Script Version .3

Stud Muffin: The True Life Story of Chris Langguth(and how he gets laid)

Chapter One: The Stud Muffin is Born

(View pans to hospital bed)
Chris' Mom: *grunting*
Various Medical Personnel: Push, push, push!
Chris' Mom: AHH!
Doctor: It's a boy but it seems something is wrong; It seems his penis is bigger than mine.
Chris' Mom: But your chinese silly; even my penis is bigger than yours and I'm a woman!
Doctor: I forgot, what are you going to name him?
Chris' Mom: Christopher Stud Muffin Langguth
Baby Chris: That's Me!
(Show Opening Screen)
Chris Langguth as Christopher Stud Muffin Langguth
Tyler Treese as The loyal sidekick who has never had a girlfriend
Some chick as Hannah Pineland
Adam Smith as The dude who uses funny one-liners
(Cut to C.W. Longer Elementary School)
Chris Narrating: It was my first day in C.W. Longer Elementary and I knew it meant one thing: New Ladies to wow. I met my two fellow struggling pimps Tyler Treese and Adam Smith. Now Adam had the hots for a girl named Sarah and asked her out everyday during recess.
(Shows Adam at the swingsets)
Adam: Hey; I may not be Fred Flinstone but I can sure make your bedrock!
Sarah: No.
(Cuts to Adam talking to Chris and TT)
Adam: I really thought I had a chance this time; That line was genius.
Chris: Well you have to be smooth like I am; Watch this.(Chris walks over to a table full of women he sets his eyes on a girl named Hannah Pineland)
Chris: Hey foxy momma, how about you and me go back to my place; I have my own teeter totter and I could teeter your totter if you know what I mean.
Hannah: Yes; umm I'll see you around at recess; bye, wait what is your name?
Chris: You can call me Sex Master or Chris.

Chapter Two: Songs and Sluts

TT: Wow your amazing; how do you do that?
Chris: See TT when I was born, I was the chosen one.
TT: Chosen to do what?
Chris: To get laid, for I am the HIGHLANDER!
TT: Wrong Movie
Chris: Sorry; For I am the Stud Muffin!
TT: That's more like it.
Chris: Well, Adam and TT; it's quite easy. How about I teach you in a song.
TT: Okay!
Chris: Will you two join me in a capella?
Adam and TT: Yes!
Chris, TT, and Adam: *Singing A Capella* Well, first ya gotta say; "Hey Baby, how was your day?", act like you care and then in less than a year! You'll be in her pants. Oh thats the game plan; and if you stick to it, you'll stick it to her; oh!
TT: Wow! Thanks Chris! Now we can get chicks.
Chris: Your welcome; I'm blessed with amazing girl getting powers.

Chapter Three: Whores and Bores

(Shows Adam at the swingsets)
Adam: Did you clean your pants with Windex?
Sarah: No, why?
Adam:I can practically see myself in them.
Sarah: Well I can't.
Chris Narrating: Well, at the school you had the various misfits; You had your geeks, jocks, preps, and Brandon. Now Brandon would easily fit into the class of a geek; but he was a level 99 geek with an armor grade of 56 and the master sword as his weapon. He was short, fat, and liked to pretend he was a dog at recess. Now, we usually wouldn't talk to people like him but today was different he had the best Pokemon card in the school. The limited edition Charizard. We needed to have it.
Chris: Hey Brandon, I see you have a Charizard; thats amazing.
Brandon: Yeah I had to buy 59 packs to find it but I did.
Adam: Yeah what would you trade for it?
Brandon: No card will do.
TT: How about we get you a girl?
Brandon: Yes; but it will have to be a most foxy one.
Adam: TT there is no way he can get a girl; I mean he'll have a 6-roll, when I have a 6-pack.
TT: Now Adam do you want the card or not?
Adam: Okay.
Chris: So Brandon, what girl do you want?
Brandon: I want Hannah Pineland
Chris: But....okay... A date with Hannah Pineland
TT: Chris, you made the right choice; I mean Hannah has cooties.
Chris: Yeah....
Adam: So how are we gonna set up a date.
Chris: I think I know a way...

Chapter Four: Setting up the date; and a world of hate.

(Shows Adam at the swings)
Adam: If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
Sarah: No and eww...
Chris Narrating: Well I knew it was gonna be hard but we had to have that card.
Chris: Hey Hannah!
Hannah: Hey Chris, or should I call you Sex Master?
Chris: Chris is fine...hey; Could you do me a favor?
Hannah: Maybe, what is that?
Chris: How about you go on a date with Brandon; I'll give you ten bucks and after the date just tell him, "Your not my type"; and then maybe next week we could go see a movie?
Hannah: Well if thats the only way I can date you; then okay.
The Next Day:
Brandon: Wow, tonight is the date; Here is the Charizard.
Chris: Thanks, good luck on your date.
Brandon: I don't need luck since, I have the Master Sword!
TT: What a loser....
Chris Narrating: I now know what Brandon meant by Master Sword; He had a humongous penis; and thank god he didn't whip it out that night. He now goes by the name Ron Jeremy, you may have heard of him.

Chapter Five: Hook-ups and Make-outs.

(cut to hallway where Brandon is talking to Chris)
Brandon: Chris! Hannah said I wasn't her type; give me back my Pokemon card!
Chris: Sorry; You said you wanted a date; and we gave you that, and Guess who I have a date with tonight.
Brandon: Who?
Chris: Hannah.
Brandon: Damn You!!!!
(Cut to: Movie Theater)
Chris: Hey Hannah
Hannah: Hey!
Chris: Wow do you look beautiful or do you look beautiful?
Hannah: I'm gonna go with C) I look repulsive.
Chris: No you don't; or I wouldn't be interested in you; I mean fugly chicks need love too but they have to pay.
Hannah: Thanks.
(Cut to them sitting in the movie theater)
Chris: I hope this is good.
Hannah: Yeah, so do I.
Chris: So isn't this about the time where I fake a yawn and put my arm around you?
Hannah: Yeah, I think that is about the time.
Chris: Wow this feels great.
Hannah: Yeah.
(Slowly fade out with the picture of them at the movie theater)

Chapter 6: Lies and Disguises(not finished)

(In The Hallway)
Chris: TT, Adam, I have seen the light and it is good.
TT: What?
Chris: I had sex.
Adam: No you didn't
Chris: Yeah, but if I did it would've been good.
TT: Yeah.....
Chris: TT, are you fantasizing about my girl?
TT: Umm no, I was thinking about a umm pickle?
Adam: A pickle?
TT: Okay, yeah your girl.
Chris: That's okay who doesn't?