Script Version .5 chapter 7 done

Stud Muffin: The True Life Story of Chris Langguth (and how he gets laid)

Chapter One: The Stud Muffin is Born

(View pans to hospital bed)
Chris' Mom: *grunting*
Various Medical Personnel: Push, push, push!
Chris' Mom: AHH!
Doctor: It's a boy but it seems something is wrong; It seems his penis is bigger than mine.
Chris' Mom: But your Chinese silly; even my penis is bigger than yours and I'm a woman!
Doctor: I forgot, what are you going to name him?
Chris' Mom: Christopher Stud Muffin Langguth
Baby Chris: That's Me!
(Show Opening Screen)
Chris Langguth as Christopher Stud Muffin Langguth
Tyler Treese as The loyal sidekick who has never had a girlfriend
Some chick as Hannah Pineland
Adam Smith as The dude who uses funny one-liners
(Cut to C.W. Longer Elementary School)
Chris Narrating: It was my first day in C.W. Longer Elementary and I knew it meant one thing: New Ladies to wow. I met my two fellow struggling pimps Tyler Treese and Adam Smith. Now Adam had the hots for a girl named Sarah and asked her out everyday during recess.
(Shows Adam at the swingsets)
Adam: Hey; I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can sure make your bedrock!
Sarah: No.
(Cuts to Adam talking to Chris and TT)
Adam: I really thought I had a chance this time; That line was genius.
Chris: Well you have to be smooth like I am; Watch this (Chris walks over to a table full of women he sets his eyes on a girl named Hannah Pineland)
Chris: Hey foxy momma, how about you and me go back to my place; I have my own teeter totter and I could teeter your totter if you know what I mean.
Hannah: Yes; umm I'll see you around at recess; bye, wait what is your name?
Chris: You can call me Sex Master or Chris.

Chapter Two: Songs and Sluts

TT: Wow your amazing; how do you do that?
Chris: See TT when I was born, I was the chosen one.
TT: Chosen to do what?
Chris: To get laid, for I am the HIGHLANDER!
TT: Wrong Movie
Chris: Sorry; For I am the Stud Muffin!
TT: That's more like it.
Chris: Well, Adam and TT; it's quite easy. How about I teach you in a song.
TT: Okay!
Chris: Will you two join me in A Capella?
Adam and TT: Yes!
Chris, TT, and Adam: *Singing A Capella * Well, first ya gotta say; "Hey Baby, how was your day?", act like you care and then in less than a year! You'll be in her pants. Oh thats the game plan; and if you stick to it, you'll stick it to her; oh!
TT: Wow! Thanks Chris! Now we can get chicks.
Chris: Your welcome; I'm blessed with amazing girl getting powers.

Chapter Three: Whores and Bores

(Shows Adam at the swingsets)
Adam: Did you clean your pants with Windex?
Sarah: No, why?
Adam: I can practically see myself in them.
Sarah: Well I can't.
Chris Narrating: Well, at the school you had the various misfits; You had your geeks, jocks, preps, and Brandon. Now Brandon would easily fit into the class of a geek; but he was a level 99 geek with an armor grade of 56 and the master sword as his weapon. He was short, fat, and liked to pretend he was a dog at recess. Now, we usually wouldn't talk to people like him but today was different he had the best Poke`mon card in the school. The limited edition Charizard. We needed to have it.
Chris: Hey Brandon, I see you have a Charizard; thats amazing.
Brandon: Yeah I had to buy 59 packs to find it but I did.
Adam: Yeah what would you trade for it?
Brandon: No card will do.
TT: How about we get you a girl?
Brandon: Yes; but it will have to be a most foxy one.
Adam: TT there is no way he can get a girl; I mean he'll have a 6-roll, when I have a 6-pack.
TT: Now Adam do you want the card or not?
Adam: Okay.
Chris: So Brandon, what girl do you want?
Brandon: I want Hannah Pineland
Chris: But....okay... A date with Hannah Pineland
TT: Chris, you made the right choice; I mean Hannah has cooties.
Chris: Yeah....
Adam: So how are we gonna set up a date.
Chris: I think I know a way...

Chapter Four: Setting up the date; and a world of hate.

(Shows Adam at the swings)
Adam: If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
Sarah: No and eww...
Chris Narrating: Well I knew it was gonna be hard but we had to have that card.
Chris: Hey Hannah!
Hannah: Hey Chris, or should I call you Sex Master?
Chris: Chris is fine...hey; Could you do me a favor?
Hannah: Maybe, what is that?
Chris: How about you go on a date with Brandon; I'll give you ten bucks and after the date just tell him, "Your not my type"; and then maybe next week we could go see a movie?
Hannah: Well if thats the only way I can date you; then okay.
The Next Day:
Brandon: Wow, tonight is the date; Here is the Charizard.
Chris: Thanks, good luck on your date.
Brandon: I don't need luck since, I have the Master Sword!
TT: What a loser....
Chris Narrating: I now know what Brandon meant by Master Sword; He had a humongous penis; and thank god he didn't whip it out that night. He now goes by the name Ron Jeremy, you may have heard of him.

Chapter Five: Hook-ups and Make-outs.

(cut to hallway where Brandon is talking to Chris)
Brandon: Chris! Hannah said I wasn't her type; give me back my Pokemon card!
Chris: Sorry; You said you wanted a date; and we gave you that, and Guess who I have a date with tonight.
Brandon: Who?
Chris: Hannah.
Brandon: Damn You!!!!
(Cut to: Movie Theater)
Chris: Hey Hannah
Hannah: Hey!
Chris: Wow do you look beautiful or do you look beautiful?
Hannah: I'm gonna go with C) I look repulsive.
Chris: No you don't; or I wouldn't be interested in you; I mean fugly chicks need love too but they have to pay.
Hannah: Thanks.
(Cut to them sitting in the movie theater)
Chris: I hope this is good.
Hannah: Yeah, so do I.
Chris: So isn't this about the time where I fake a yawn and put my arm around you?
Hannah: Yeah, I think that is about the time.
Chris: Wow this feels great.
Hannah: Yeah.
(Slowly fade out with the picture of them at the movie theater)

Chapter 6: Lies and Disguises

(In The Hallway)
Chris: TT, Adam, I have seen the light and it is good.
TT: What?
Chris: I had sex.
Adam: No you didn't
Chris: Yeah, but if I did it would've been good.
TT: Yeah.....
Chris: TT, are you fantasizing about my girl?
TT: Umm no, I was thinking about a umm pickle?
Adam: A pickle?
TT: Okay, yeah your girl.
Chris: That's okay who doesn't?

(In the Cafeteria)
Chris: Hey Hannah!
Hannah: Hey…
Chris: I had a wonderful time with you at the movies, and I wrote you a poem!
Hannah: Really…?
Chris: Yeah here it is:
You are always on my mind
Ever since meeting you my feelings are in a whirlwind
Hannah Pineland, my dear sweetheart
let our roads never go apart

Hannah Pineland, you are unbelievably beautiful
When I am near you my heart goes like a raging bull
Words cannot express
What I felt when you said 'yes'

Hannah Pineland, you mean so much to me
I never knew this could be
You are my sweetheart day by day
I hope you will never go away

This a lava lamp is for you, I hope you will like it
I am dying to see your reaction, that I will admit
I look forward to our next moment together
Without you, I feel life does not matter
Hannah: Wow! A lava lamp?
Chris: Yeah, I love it; but I really like you.
Hannah: Thanks; I’ll see you around.

Chapter 7: Break-ups and Make-Outs

(In the hallway)
Chris: Hey Hannah!
Hannah: Hey, umm I wanted to talk to you.
Chris: What, the lava lamp not working?
Hannah: No, it’s working fine. I don’t think things are working out between us, though.
Chris: I’ll give you a Charizard if you want?
Hannah: I kind of already moved on.
Chris: What do you mean?
Hannah: I’m going out with Pat.

Chris’ Narration: “Pat” was the residential jock in C.W. Longer. He had everything you could want: Looks, money, 15 Charizard cards, and 3 lava lamps; I mean how could I compete? It was no use, I had lost the girl of my dreams to him and I was knocked out in the first round and didn’t even make it to first base.